Definition: Someone who is brave, smart, attractive, funny, driven and innovative; the whole package
Use: The person I am dating is totally thefassman, I swear. Not even exaggerating.
Etymology: This word was created in order to fill in gaps and save time. Many members of the early 21st century struggled with describing what made their best friends/significant others fantastic and worthwhile, and ended up wasting other people’s time trying to articulate these thoughts. In order to prevent this monumental waste of time and effort, the word “thefassman” was created to encompass all the best human traits.
The first syllable “the” is taken from the name “Theseus”. Theseus is a hero from Ancient Greek mythology who is considered to be one of the “Big Three” demigods. The other two members of the “Big Three” are Hercules and Perseus. Theseus is famous not only for being brave and strong, but for also being smart. This was a very rare trait in Ancient Greek heroes, and made his inclusion in the “Big Three” an odd choice. The feat for which Theseus is best known is defeating the Minotaur, a creature that was half-man, half-bull. On top of that, Theseus ruled over the city-state of Athens, where intelligence was seen as an incredibly desirable trait as Athens was the was Athena’s city, and Athena was the Greek goddess of wisdom and war strategy. Basically, Theseus was the first figure in Western Mythology to be considered valuable for brains as well as brawn. While many people think that that particular honor belongs to Odysseus from Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey, it does not. The myths involving Theseus significantly predate the myths involving Odysseus. Hence, “the” in “thefassman” means brave, and smart.
The second syllable “fass” is taken from the last name Fassbender. This is a reference to one of the greatest actors of the early 21st century, Michael Fassbender. Fassbender has acted in many critically acclaimed movies and roles, and has also enjoyed commercial success. Movies for which Fassbender is known include X-Men: Fist Class, Prometheus, Inglorious Basterds, Shame, Jane Eyre and A Dangerous Method. Fassbender is also widely believed to be one of the sexiest men alive. As evidence, this dictionary saw fit to include a picture of his beautiful face.
Furthermore, Fassbender is funny, as is demonstrated in various interviews that he has given. His humor ranges from slapstick and crude to subtle and sarcastic– therefore, his humor tends to appeal to a large audience. Fassbender’s Irish accent is also believed to be a large part of his
incredible appeal, and add charm to his humor. As such, the “fass” in “thefassman” can be taken to mean attractive and funny.
The last part of “thefassman” is “man”, and is taken from the last name Seligman. Seligman refers to Dr. Martin Seligman, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. Seligman made several important contributions to the field of psychology. Some of his most notable contributions include defining 7 criteria to determine abnormality and the theory of learned helplessness. However, his most important contribution is indubitably the creation of the field of ‘positive psychology’. This type of psychology studies what makes people normal and happy, as Dr. Seligman foung that there are a surprising amount complex factors that play into something that seems so simple. This type of research was previously considered unnecessary and eccentric, but Dr. Seligman persevered, and has shown the necessity of researching what ‘normal’ is. Dr. Seligman invented and then put into practice something that others considered useless and unworthy of study. Therefore, the “man” in “thefassman” signifies innovation and perseverance.
As such, when all the components of “thefassman” are combined, one can see exactly why the word can be used to describe someone who is brave, smart, attractive, funny, driven and innovative. The use of this word helped millions across the world summarize why exactly someone was important to them. The lexicographer who invented the word was compensated generously.
Jokes. I wasn’t compensated at all, but I totally should be. Just think of how much good this word would do in the world if it was real! People would be so grateful that they didn’t have to listen and pretend to care about long-winded description anymore. I was thinking about this earlier today because my sister was trying to describe how great this guy that she liked was to me, and it took way too much time. If she just said this one thing, I would have totally understood everything in a tenth of the time. Just in case anyone sees how brilliant this is and chooses to use it in real life, you’re welcome. Also, I just wanted an excuse to write more about my love of Greek mythology, good acting and psychology.